Stop Telling Me My Husband "Has The Easy Part"

"Oh, these men, they have it so easy. They don't have to carry the baby for 9 months and go through labor."

It has become very difficult for me to hold my tongue when family and friends utter this phrase or something similar to me. I started hearing this comment around week 12 or so and ever since then it has been driving me crazy. How dare you sit there, in front of my incredibly strong and supportive husband, and tell him that he has it easy?

I should give you a little peek into my mind when it comes to belittling one sex over the other-- I have a major problem with it, whether it is aimed toward men or toward women. I don't believe one sex is "more special" than another. I have been taught, and still believe, that men and women are "equal in dignity." We are all worth the same and loved the same in God's eyes. So, when I read an article all about how "men aren't allowed to complain about these things" because women have it worse, I get very angry because, as a woman, it is not my job to decide whether or not I have it worse than my husband. Furthermore, it isn't a competition. We are all human. We all have different crosses to bear.

No, my husband does not have it easy. He is not detached from this pregnancy. He has been involved from the very beginning. He was there when I took the test and helped me keep my cool when I felt like calling everyone and telling them the good news. He was there for my first appointment, holding my hand when they took six vials of blood and I almost passed out. He was there for all three ultrasounds I have had so far. He was there when we met our new OBGYN when we switched doctors. He's had to run and grab me a trash can when I felt like throwing up. He's rubbed my back as I am bent over a toilet, sobbing, unable to keep down my breakfast. He always asks how I'm feeling. He's had to listen to all my complaints and gross symptoms because he genuinely wants to be involved in this pregnancy and wants to know what's going on with his wife and son. He bends over to pick up things when my back hurts, even just a little bit. He's offered to shave my legs when I no longer can because he knows just how much I hate having leg hair stubble. He watches videos on natural birth with me and is learning different ways to manage pain with me. He reads our son bedtime stories almost every night so he gets used to his dad's voice, too. He talks to the baby and about the baby all the time. He's just as excited about picking out clothes, furniture, and toys as I am. He and I both enjoy discussing how we plan on parenting our son. He does everything he can to feel as attached to our son as I am.

Most of all, during all of this, he's had to worry about passing a difficult class in order to graduate from college with his master's degree, find a good job he would both enjoy and benefit from, and succeed in that job in order to support a growing family. That has been incredibly stressful for him and he has handled it with a grace that I admire and envy. He knows that I want to be a stay at home mom and he supports that endeavor, and in return I try to make his life at home as stress-free as possible.

You see, we are partners. We work together, and that's how we will always see this marriage. It isn't some sad duty that has simply befallen me to carry his child for 9 months. It is something we both chose out of love, knowing all the stress, money, time, and health issues it would bring along with it. We both work hard to make sure we know everything we possibly can before the baby gets here. We both read about my symptoms and how to deal with them, if necessary. We both try to come up with budget strategies in order to give our son the best life we can. We both get stressed out over the fact that we only have a few more months before our world completely changes for the better.

So, no, my husband is not able to carry our son for nine months, but he is my rock every step of the way. No, my husband will not be able to deliver our son, but he will be there supporting me every single second, even though he is super squeamish. No, my husband won't be able to take care of our son all day, but he will be spending his day ensuring that one day our kid can go to college and get a good job just like his dad. And don't you doubt for a second that my husband isn't going to pitch in and do anything and everything within his power to take care of the baby and me.

No, my husband does not have it easier than me. It isn't a competition. His role in this pregnancy is different than mine, but by no means is it easier. So, please, stop telling me my husband has the easy part. I respect him far too much to let anyone believe that.