A Beginner's Guide to Natural Family Planning

*Disclaimer* This article gets pretty graphic, as it deals with signs and symptoms of female fertility. We’ll be talking about menstruation, sexual activity, and the quality of cervical mucus. This post is not intended for children.

*Disclaimer No.2* I am not a certified NFP instructor. If you read this article and find that you are interested in using NFP, please talk with your parish priest about options or visit www.billings.life) If you’ve read some of my other blog posts you will know that I hold a rather shocking viewpoint for a woman in this day and age; I am against birth control. But—how do you plan on not getting pregnant? First of all, I actually want to get pregnant (yes even though I’m 23 and have been married for 3 and a half years). Secondly, when I did not want to get pregnant, my husband and I did this crazy thing called abstaining from sex when I was fertile. That’s crazy— you should get to have sex whenever you want. Actually, that isn’t true and its a very selfish thing to think if you are willing to dig a little deeper. If you can’t handle abstaining from sex for 7-10 days out of 28 you might be under the impression that sex is something that you deserve or that you are owed—or that your spouse is owed. Now, I totally understand having a pretty high sex drive, and some days abstaining is really difficult. However, the act of giving up sex for just a few days out of the month can actually make you a stronger, more temperate person. However, I don’t want to dwell on this topic for too long. Let’s dive into NFP—Natural Family Planning. I want to talk about how NFP works, why the Catholic Church encourages the practice of NFP over contraception and several methods of achieving pregnancy, and how it can impact a healthy Catholic marriage. Natural Family Planning— The Basics

According to the USCCB (U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops); “Natural Family Planning is an umbrella term for certain methods used to achieve and avoid pregnancies. These methods are based on observation of the naturally occurring signs and symptoms of the fertile and infertile phases of a woman's menstrual cycle. Couples using NFP to avoid pregnancy abstain from intercourse and genital contact during the fertile phase of the woman's cycle. No drugs, devices, or surgical procedures are used to avoid pregnancy. NFP reflects the dignity of the human person within the context of marriage and family life, promotes openness to life, and recognizes the value of the child. By respecting the love-giving and life-giving natures of marriage, NFP can enrich the bond between husband and wife." (Standards for Diocesan Natural Family Planning Ministry, p. 23)” If you are Catholic, one of the steps in marriage-preparation is learning about Natural Family Planning. I remember not really knowing what to expect, then coming out of the very first session completely enamored and thinking, “Wouldn’t it be so cool to be one of these instructors?” (Whenever we get settled and join a parish for long-term, I am absolutely going to get certified to teach NFP). However, something that was really unique about NFP was the fact that it requires the husband to be informed and involved. How many forms of birth control require the man to know the details of how your cycle works? Now, you should know that there are actually several forms of NFP— I have only been instructed in Billings Ovulation Method so far, but I have researched other methods extensively. However, I will be using the BOM as my standard method of NFP as I explain how this process works.

If you want to start using NFP, you’re going to need (at least) a calendar. BOM has a specific calendar/symptom tracker that you can purchase, but you are not required to use this. Other methods may require a thermometer. Either way, this is a lot cheaper than contraception, yeah? You’ll need to starting taking down details about your cycle on your calendar. These details include: Days you menstruate: 3-7 days, typically. Presence of and quality of cervical mucus. Days of sexual activity (if you are currently sexually active). I also keep track of my moods, other health symptoms (acne, pelvic pain, headaches— things I know are associated with my hormones). I do not use the BOM calendar to achieve this; I use an app called Ovia because it’s really nice to just have this info on my phone. Ovia is not an NFP-affiliated app, but the information they require you to track is the same. What's important is that you remember the rules about abstinence and that you remember to keep detailed record of your cervical mucus quality. Typically you will need to track these symptoms for about 3 or 4 cycles in order to get a picture of what your average cycle looks like. Here is an example of a chart containing days of menstruation, ovulation, and cervical mucus quality:

(Image credit: The Billings Ovulation Method website, www.billings.life) Those top couple cells are the only ones you chart. Red stands for menstruation, green for non-fertile days, white for ovulation. The three dots on day 6 mark spotting and the “X” on day 18 marks peak day, the last day you can feel mucus. When charting mucus sensation, you’re looking for clarity, viscosity, and stretchiness. When I began charting I used stickers (provided with the NFP charting booklet I had) to chart mucus sensation. Now, after doing this for 4 years, I just use words like “clear”, “stretchy”, “wet”, etc. because I know what each sensation looks like/feels like. Where does the abstinence come in? If you are not trying to conceive, you definitely want to abstain on the days colored in white and for three days afterwards. That’s usually 5 to 8 days (the example above shows a pretty long ovulation period, but this varies from woman to woman). You are also asked to practice abstinence during menstruation— this is because, due to the presence of blood and tissue in addition to cervical mucus, it is difficult to determine the quality of the cervical mucus. If you’re trying to conceive, sexual intercourse should be timed with the days colored in white—the ovulation period. The recommendation is at least every other evening—they say evening to ensure that your symptoms haven’t changed during the day—because you want to be able to tell the difference between cervical mucus and seminal fluid. There are a couple “rules” that come with TTC (trying to conceive) using the BOM (so many acronyms). The first is something I’ve already mentioned— abstain from sexual activity on days of menstrual bleeding. The bleeding is probably in the way of being able to ascertain cervical mucus quality. The second rule is the alternate evenings rule, explained in the paragraph above. You want to time sex with mucus that has a clear appearance and slippery sensation. The third rule is to abstain from sex when you notice a change from your infertile period. In the chart above, this would be around day 12/13. This is to ensure you can tell the difference between the cervical mucus and seminal fluid. Again, you want to be timing sex with that clear, slippery mucus. That’s basically how NFP works. No medication, no shots— all natural. Pretty interesting, huh? I hope you learned something! Why NFP and Why Not Contraception? The whole idea behind NFP is to educate couples about how the woman’s fertility works and how to use this process to your benefit, whether you are trying to conceive or trying to avoid a pregnancy. When you use NFP you aren’t changing your hormones or cycle, and you aren’t changing the act of sexual intercourse. But why is contraception not permissible? You’re still trying to avoid a pregnancy. Basically, contraception comes in between the sexual act and fertility by removing the ability to conceive. Don’t run away on me here. The Catholic Church does teach that sex is not only for procreation, but also for the strengthening of the relationship and unity between the husband and wife. In short, Catholics don’t believe that having sex is only for making babies. You can have sex with your spouse because you love them and want to seal that bond with them—but you should be accepting of each other’s fertility. Contraception rejects the possibility of conception and you and/or your partner’s fertility. That’s rejecting a part of your spouse. That’s not what a Christian marriage is about. In your vows you promise to be open to children, and contraception is a blatant rejection of that promise. It’s a lie. In order to avoid a pregnancy and stay in line with the teachings of the Catholic Church you cannot choose to remove the ability to conceive. However, you can avoid sex on days when conception is possible, because this is working within the natural boundaries of a woman’s cycle. You should also be aware that some contraceptives work as abortive agents, such as the “Morning After” pill. The Church is obviously against these because they involve the murder of a human life, which begins at the moment of conception (when sperm meets egg). I hope to do a separate blog entry specifically on birth control and Church teachings very soon. Conception Methods and NFP So, what if you are trying to conceive? What then? Well, if you are lucky, you use NFP, time intercourse correctly, and achieve conception! Congratulations! However, some of us aren’t that lucky and we have to work really hard and pray day and night in order to achieve a pregnancy. When it comes to infertility and trying to conceive things can become rather emotional and confusing, but with some faith, hope, and prayer, things begin to make a lot more sense. What does the Church teach about using other methods in order to achieve pregnancy? According to catholic infertility.com (part of the Pope Paul VI Institute),

“Any procedure which assists marital intercourse in reaching its procreative potential is moral. Any procedure which substitutes or suppresses a need for marital intercourse is immoral.”

You should not be removing sex with your spouse from the equation. This includes in vitro fertilization methods, surrogacy, and artificial fertilization. At first, infertility can seem pretty hopeless if you are Catholic and you see that these options are off the table. However, there are still options. NFP has a great success rate in helping couples to achieve pregnancy while also teaching couples how to identify natural signs of fertility. If NFP hasn’t worked for you it is probably time for both you and your spouse undergo an infertility evaluation. Most methods used when screening for infertility are in line with Church teaching— however, you want to be wary of a few things. First of all, obtaining semen samples via masturbation are against Church teaching. However, a post-coital semen evaluation is a great option— you aren’t taking the sexual act out of the process. You also should avoid the use of birth control as a means to regulate your cycle. There are other drugs out there that do the same thing! This is an area I do not have much experience with or knowledge about— I recommend talking to a priest before beginning a medication regimen to boost fertility. Most surgical procedures and hormone stimulants are in line with church teaching, as long as they are not taking the place of the sexual act. The best thing to do is to find a doctor who has been trained to assist couples using NFP. You’ll find the most success in working with a professional who thoroughly understands and respects your beliefs. What is So Great About NFP? I can’t begin to express how wonderful NFP is and has been for my husband and I these last 4 years, but I will try. First of all, ever since I first learned about NFP and first started tracking the symptoms and signs in my own cycle, I became so much more knowledgable about how my body works. I was finally able to keep track of my cycle and accurately predict when my period was going to start (I had a very hard time doing that as an adolescent and into my later teenage years). I began to better understand and appreciate how my mind, my body, and my soul were all connected by my cycle. I began to notice how my moods, my headaches, my acne, and other signs correlated to different periods of time in my cycle. I began to feel this amazing oneness with and appreciation for the female body I was given. Yes, periods can really suck, but I wouldn’t trade being a woman for anything. I love who I am.

Secondly, it has brought my husband and I so much closer. We talk about all of this stuff—the menstruating, the mucus, the moods, all of it. He is an active part of charting my fertility, whether we are editing my calendar together or I’m verbally telling him what’s going on in my cycle that day. Not only have I become more educated in my fertility and cycle, but so has he. Third, it is overwhelmingly empowering. Birth control advertisements try to sell you this idea that you can conquer your fertility. You can take control of how your cycle works and you decide when to suppress it, so you can do what you want— and this is strength. But when you really think about it, is it strength? It would have been easier for my husband and I to avoid a pregnancy if I had been on the pill for the first 2 years of our marriage, but would it have made us a stronger couple? Would we have experienced the self-denial, fortitude, and temperance of abstinence that NFP teaches you? No! When we used NFP we became a stronger couple. I know it seems a little scary or weird at first that you have to avoid sex on certain days, but I promise you that it is very possible to do. I won’t sugarcoat it and say that its easy, but it is doable because you are a human being, not an animal, and you have self-control. Fourth, it proves and uplifts your dignity and worth. Rather than telling you that your fertility is a problem or a disease that must be cured or suppressed, NFP empowers and educates you to observe your natural symptoms and know how these signs parallel your fertility. I can’t imagine my husband or myself wanting us to use contraception. If my husband broke out some condoms tomorrow night I would probably be devastated. Why? Not just because we both want to achieve pregnancy soon, but because he would be rejecting my fertility— and his own. There would be a severe lack of trust between us, and our appreciation for each other’s entire being (body, mind, soul, heart) would be incredibly damaged. Using NFP tells me that my husband appreciates my fertility and my cycle just as much as I do, and that I’m worth much more to him than just a means of sexual gratification. I know that’s a little harsh, but it is 100% true. Finally, it’s effective, non-invasive, and does not put your reproductive health at risk! There isn’t a lot I can add to that because every single one of those points is positive and attractive. Who wouldn’t want to use this method, either to avoid or achieve pregnancy, when it has a great success rate, its not complicated to put into practice, and there is no increased risk of infertility or cancer further on down the road? I hope that this post has accurately explained the basic gist of how Natural Family Planning works, what the Church teaches about contraception and fertility-assistance, and how NFP can affect you as a woman and how it can strengthen your marriage. If I have any incorrect information above, please let me know. If I’m missing information, leave a comment— chances are, I’m putting that information in another post. If you have any other questions or concerns about NFP and what the Catholic Church teaches about sex and family planning, please leave those in the comments as well, but also, talk to a priest. I’m not a theologian, nor am I an NFP expert, nor am I a doctor. Please understand that all of the information above has come from both extensive research, years of Catholic teaching and tradition, and personal experience. I hope you all have a blessed and wonderful day, lovelies. Remember, you are worth more than the world wants you to think!