16 Things You Wouldn't Expect A Catholic Woman to Say (but a lot of us probably would)

1. I don't hate anyone. That means gay people, Muslims, Satanists, liberals, feminists, pro-choice supporters, atheists, scientists, politicians, communists, the next door neighbor's dog, your grandma, you name it. I don't hate them. I may not agree with their lifestyle choices, their methods, or their opinions, but that doesn't mean I hate them. And all of the Catholics that I know would say the same thing.

2. I like going to Mass every Sunday and on Holy Days of Obligation. Heck, I even like going on a Tuesday morning just because. Whenever I say "I need to go to church" to a non-Catholic, they usually say, "Well, do you have to?" I mean, no I don't have to. I have free will. I could skip Mass if I wanted to, even though it is a sin. The thing is, though, I like going. Whatever excuse I could come up with doesn't really cover going to Mass for just one hour, unless I'm horribly ill. Spending an hour devoted to prayer and worship, giving that time up to God, just talking to Him and asking for His help or telling Him thank you for something--I couldn't imagine a better way to begin my week.

3. Confession isn't scary-- it actually makes you feel good about yourself. It seems kind of weird that we go and tell a priest about all of the bad things we've done, but when you realize that the priest is acting in persona Christi, it makes the experience a lot more special and almost therapeutic. It's like telling God, "Look, I know You know all of the sins I've committed, but I'm going to stand before You and confess them because I know You give me the courage and grace to resist these temptations in the future." God's forgiveness is one of the best feelings in the whole world.

4. Sex isn't just for making babies. And we don't think sex is a dirty word. Catholics aren't prudes. We believe that sex is a beautiful physical expression of love. There is so much more information about this (see The Theology of the Body by Christopher West) that I cannot possibly begin to cover now, but basically, written into our bodies and their very anatomy and being, is God's plan for our sexuality and relationships. Seriously, Catholics are writing about sex and our bodies all the time. What you have to realize is we think sex is so great, so wonderful, so amazing, that it has to be an act we treat with respect-- not something you do whenever you feel like it, like eating a brownie (idk man, that's the first analogy that popped into my head).

5. I don't worship Mary. Or the saints, or pictures, or statues, or the Rosary. No, no, no, no, no. Mary is the Mother of God, so she's pretty important already. If that's not enough, as Jesus was dying on the Cross, He gave us to His mother and He shared His mother with us, the Church, as He told Mary and John, "Woman, behold your son. Son, behold your Mother." And I tell you what, if it was not for Mary and her help and prayers, I would probably be a very different, very wild, not-so-great person. I take that "mother" thing pretty seriously. All my life I feel like I have taken her for granted-- I don't talk about her or to her very often. But she definitely has made herself a part of my life. I like to imagine her as a beautiful, perfect, loving, sweet, always-up-in-my-business Italian mamma (you know what I mean-- those Italian matrons in the movies who nag their kids because they aren't eating enough, or they worry too much, etc etc). Not that Mary is a nag. She is just definitely a mother figure to me, pushing me in the right direction even when I don't want to be pushed (I guess in this analogy I'm a tantrum-throwing toddler).

6. Lent isn't completely unbearable. I think the hardest thing is fasting (eating 2 small meals and one moderately-sized meal, no snacks in between, only water to drink; unless you have a medical condition requires you to eat more/drink more). Not eating meat on Fridays isn't too difficult; I mean, have you tried vegetables? *I love vegetables* Fish is an approved substitute for meat, and fish can be pretty tasty. So are sweet potatoes. And zucchini. And broccoli. And tomatoes. And cheese (I know cheese isn't a vegetable, I did go to elementary school).

7. Catholic School is AWESOME. Yes I had nuns as teachers, and they were some of the best, nicest, funniest, most caring teachers I have ever had--this is coming from a teacher, by the way. I never got hit with a ruler--I never got hit with anything except a whole lot of love and support throughout the entirety of my education! I never felt like my teachers were indoctrinating me during religion classes. I always felt free to ask questions and challenge my beliefs. The majority of my classmates were great people who didn't get into a whole lot of trouble or run around with loose morals. Wearing a uniform? Not the greatest, but not the worst. I survived.

8. I like reading the Bible. I feel like a lot of Protestants think we don't even glance at the Book, but actually, reading the Bible is what makes me love my Faith even more! The Old Testament is amazing--its like a history book. The New Testament is equally amazing, though I'm just now finding out how much I like it. I always find a great deal of inspiration in the epistles--I will quote them often.

9. I don't think all non-Catholics go to hell. I do believe in hell, I do believe some people choose to go there. Here's the thing about hell; when you die, you either want to spend the rest of eternity in heaven with God, or you realize that the choices you've made make you unworthy of spending eternity worshiping Him. This principle applies to everyone, even non-Catholics. You don't have to be Catholic in order to be a good person.

10. My cat isn't going to heaven when she dies. Someone has to say it. Animals do have souls (look it up, all living things have a soul), but their souls are not the same as ours. Animals were not made in the image and likeness of God. Animals do not choose whether to love God or reject Him-- they don't have free will. Therefore, they don't go to Heaven. They don't go to Hell. They don't go to Doggy Heaven. They don't go to a far-away farm. It's sad, I know, but God has specifically chosen the human race as His own; we are so special in His eyes that only we have the privilege of being with Him forever.

11. I'm never becoming an angel. When you die, you don't become an angel. *WHAT?* You heard me. Humans and angels are completely different beings. We both have free will. Yet, angels were created before humans, expressly for the purpose of serving God in heaven as his messengers. They help us, too--yep, guardian angels are a thing. But angels have never been alive, and they've never had a body. People do not become angels when they die.

12. Having a Catholic wedding was not torture. When you tell people that you had a Catholic wedding (which is a Mass, lasting 45 minutes to an hour) they immediately freak out, like you should be in the Guinness Book of World Records or something for longest, craziest wedding in existence. Yeah, we even knelt the whole time. To be honest, you don't even realize it's been an hour, seeing as how you are so dang excited to get married! Your guests don't seem to mind either, Catholic or non-Catholic, and if they do mind, then you have a whole other problem there and that *probably* means they don't care about you as much as you think they do.

13. My husband and I don't use contraception. I've never been on the pill--no, not even for acne or my cramps. My husband has never used a condom. No spermicidal gel, no IUDs, no patch, no shots-- nothing. It's 100% totally natural for us-- and it's actually really empowering. We love each other so much that our fertility is open to each other-- basically, we're open to having babies together should that be God's plan. There's never been a point in time where I have said, "You know, we can do whatever we want, but my eggs? Off limits, buddy. No babies for you." I also don't like the idea of medications and hormones affecting my cycle, risking my fertility, and increasing my risk of cancer-- a lot of cancer in my family, people; I really don't need to be playing that game. Also, there's no risk of STDs because neither of us have an STD. Now, granted, some people have other circumstances, and I'm NOT an expert in these matters (even though I want to be), so if you want to know what the Church teaches about contraception in different cases, talk to a priest. They know more than I do.

14. I believe in the theory of evolution. Actually, even though I'm from Kansas, we learned about the theory of evolution in school-- and I went to a private Catholic school. We also learned about the theory of Creationism. The thing is both of these are theories. They haven't been proven. There is a lot of substantial evidence supporting the theory of evolution and that's why I believe it. I don't believe the Earth is 4,000 years old because we can prove that it is much, much, much older. However, I do believe that evolution happened with God's guidance as the Creator of all things. I even believe in the Big Bang. You heard right, folks-- I love science and I love my religion. Actually, Catholic doctrine teaches us that science is a wonderful and necessary area of study! If you meet a Catholic who is anti-science, please send them my way. I'd be glad to have a little chat-- I have many Catholic friends who are doctors and scientists.

15 . I'm not perfect, and I know that. People, I swear like a sailor. I drink beer (only the good stuff, no insert-name-here-lite crud, just in case you want to send me some *wink wink*). I am not very nice to people sometimes. I'm incredibly impatient some days. I have road rage. I have a really hard time sharing my resources with those in need. I have done bad things and still continue to make choices that reject God. We all do, because we are human. I don't think I get an automatic "in" with God because I'm Catholic. I don't think I'm better than anyone, even people of different faiths. There's maybe-probably-definitely a Jew or a Muslim or a Buddhist (more likely several in each faith) that is a better person than I am. But I'm constantly praying for the strength to always choose good and to become a better person than I was the day before.

16. There are, unfortunately, Catholics who have done some really bad things. I'm talking about the Crusades. I'm talking about murder. I'm talking about genocide. I'm talking about rape. I'm talking about sexual assault. However, it would be a mistake to assume that just because some Catholics have made these choices that we ALL do these things or that the Church upholds these acts. This is very important to understand, so listen up. Catholics do not believe that any of these acts are okay or justified. Even if these acts are committed by a priest or church official. People are people, we all have free will, and we all have the ability to chose sin. Its sad to hear about, but please know that Catholics are just as hurt and outraged by these acts as you are.

I'm definitely going to do another one of these in the near future. If you have any questions about what Catholics believe, please leave them in the comments below!