A Catholic Girl's Journey to Womanhood

When I was 10 years old I entered this weird phase of my life called puberty-- perhaps you've heard of it? Well, all these weird changes started happening to my body and my brain; some of which I expected, some of which I would have never dreamed. This is the story of how my brain (and my soul) (and a little bit of how my body) changed from girl to woman.

Oh, and a word of warning-- I'm not really afraid of divulging personal details, so sorry but not sorry if you're a little weirded out by someone talking about menstruation and body hair.

So, I had some concept of the difference between a child and an adult by age 10, but I was a very innocent child. I genuinely thought babies were made when you kissed a guy long enough (my parents never had "the talk" with me, by the way). I knew there had to be some sort of change from the way I was to my mature, adult woman body. I didn't really know what all that entailed, however, so I was a bit shocked when I had these little boobs and I started seeing hair in places I would never have imagined hair (you don't know horror until you know the feeling of being terrified that you are the only female alive with underarm hair, let me tell you what). Shortly after, my mom took me aside and asked if I knew what a uterus was. "Yeah, sure," I lied, trying to sound like I was cool or something. Well, she drew me a nice little diagram and explained that when you reach a certain age you start menstruating.

"Okay, cool." --Me, age 10, lying

Not cool. I was terrified. From that moment on I was paranoid; any little feeling in the nether regions would send me to the bathroom to make sure I wasn't bleeding. Joke was on me-- I was a late bloomer. So I spent two years of my life paranoid, no big deal.

Not long after that talk with my mom, I was shown an interesting video (which I would never recommend) at my school. They separated boys and girls and we were given information about our changing bodies. What I got out of that movie was this: my fear that my period was going to be horrible and painful was reaffirmed, and now I was expecting these horribly dramatic mood swings. Somewhere along the line I learned what sex was (from a school friend), and the subject became very taboo. To me, sex with this gross thing that boys joke about and girls shouldn't be discussing ever.

So, imagine my surprise when I turned 11 and started noticing my brain was changing, along with my body. As my body began to mature, so did my thoughts and feelings and *gasp* my sexuality and sex drive. I became interested in ~boys~ (insert the mega-crush I had on this nerdy kid with shaggy brown hair who wore the Ring of Power around his neck on a chain who later became my husband).

And then I started hanging out with this girl at school who was a terrible influence. She taught me about things I didn't need to be discussing with anyone but my parents-- which was not good for someone with my raging hormones. I was very confused about what I was allowed to be feeling and thinking at the time.

7th grade rolled around, and on Thanksgiving Day of 2005 I had my "red flower", as George R.R. Martin refers to it in his "Game of Thrones" series. It was not what I was expecting. It didn't hurt. I barely felt it (which became a huge problem down the road-- so many pairs of underwear, pajamas, and sheets ruined *smh*). It was now that I considered myself a "young woman". But I was still missing something-- those crazy mood swings they taught us about way back in 5th grade. Where were the days you just wanted to cry? Where was the angst and rage?

Well, angst didn't really show its ugly head until I was maybe 15? And, let me tell you, I had a whole bunch of it. More than I wanted, way more than I thought I could handle, definitely more than my parents could handle. We had a horrible relationship from about age 15 to 18. What I didn't understand was that I had no control over how I felt, but I did have control over my actions-- something I did not learn until I became a teacher.

So, what does this have to do with womanhood and being a "quiet light"?

No, I joke-- I do have some idea of what I'm talking about. I've learned a few things from these experiences.

Firstly, kids, don't trust the information you get from friends in middle school about sex. It's usually not correct. And if you are an adult and you still believe the crap your friends told you in middle school? Stop.

Secondly, parents and kids, make sure there's a willingness and openness to communicate about puberty and sex. These things aren't dirty words, and spoken about in the right context and with the proper respect, discussion is more beneficial than ignoring the elephant in the room.

Thirdly, women-- you do have very little control over your hormones, and thus, your moods. Granted, weight, diet, medication/vitamins, and exercise will affect your hormones to some extent. However, women--you do have control over your actions, regardless of how you feel. Do not, I repeat, do not, use your femininity as an excuse here. Those cute little cartoons about uncontrollably devouring every chocolate bar in sight, lashing out at everyone who speaks to you, etc. etc. etc.-- those are not true. That is not acceptable. If you cannot control your actions, you have a problem that runs deeper than PMS-- sorry, not sorry, to be blunt there. If you want to be a strong woman, acknowledge that you have these feelings, and don't let them drive you. You are in control. I remember seeing these little pictures of women (pardon my French) bitching out their husbands/boyfriends/whoever and then saying, "I'm on my period." Okay, so? That's a normal bodily function--granted, it really sucks, I know-- but that's life. It isn't an excuse to be rude. It isn't an excuse to make other people miserable.

If you want information about dealing with PMS and menstrual cramps, click here for My Menstruation Survival Kit.

Finally, I learned something very valuable that I think we women don't hear enough. It is totally okay to acknowledge your sexuality and sexual needs. You're human. You're a sexual being, its written into your biology. It is okay to have a sex drive. Now, what you do with it, contrary to what Cosmo says, may or may not be okay. And the same principle applies to men, but seeing as how I am not one, I don't feel like I have the authority to explain men's sexuality and sex drives (guest lecture, husband please?)

So, there you have it-- how I grew from an innocent little flower into a full-grown woman, and why I think it's very important for women to discuss sexuality. If we don't, and we keep sex and our bodies a taboo subject, then we aren't doing anything about the way we are portrayed in media and what society expects of us.

Thoughts? I promise, this is not the first time I'll bring up women and sexuality. We've only just scratched the surface. A bientot!